Forest Fairy

A full week since the surgery, and the physiotherapist had graduated me from the walking frame to a stick, and the Occupational therapist had been to see me and organised a shower stool to go home for me and was satisfied that I would not have to negotiate any stairs at home or cook any meals. I sill did not know the results on the tumour, but there were definitely signs that I was not too far from discharge. Later that afternoon, I woke from a nap to find that the ward was very busy and full of activity. The bathroom had a queue, which became enormously frustrating for both me and a new patient in the room next door to mine, although we bore it with mutual humour, outwardly anyway. I had a new lady come into my room. She was very brave, her mother had died five years before in the ward, from a brain tumour, and she now had a tumour in her spine at t2 level which was to be removed in the morning. Her brother had also been in recently and had part of a very large tumour removed. We chatted about this for a bit and then she went to take her antiseptic shower and get ready for bed. While she did, there was more activity in the ward, and I think a new patient was being moved into a ward across the passage, and I heard the nurses saying something about a patient having a contusion. I guessed someone had come in with a head injury.

After eating an egg and bacon pie which a nurse found for me, the evening wore on , and once all visitors had left, my new room mate and I chatted a bit more, and I listened to more Sara Groves and started to prepare for the night. From across the passage the new patient began to cry mournfully, and call out for help. " I can't take this, please send me home, please get me out of here. I'm so useless" I heard a nurse tell her firmly "you're not useless" but she continued to cry, and call for help. I pressed my bell. A nurse came, a young sweet girl, and I told her I would be happy to go and sit with the new patient and talk to her, but the nurse said no, she'd be alright. The patient was quiet for a while, but I was upset for her, so I prayed about what to do. The bible tells us that we can and should, use our own suffering to help others, and I really felt I needed to do something for this woman, so I prayed, and asked what I should do and how I would know if I should do something.

After a while I felt that the right thing to do would be to just go to her if she called again, regardless of what the nurses said. I chatted some more with my room mate, and then she settled to sleep and our light was put out, and I continued to listen to music, thinking that maybe the patient scross the passage might like to listen also. I lay there praying and waiting. Soon, her plaintive crying and begging for release began again. "Holy shit!" she shouted suddenly and then "Oh Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ!" Definitely it was time for me to grab the walker and head across the passage, praying desperately for the right thing to say. I wheeled into the room, hoping a nurse was there, but she was alone. I told her my name and sat next to her bed. "It hurts" she cried, it hurts so much" there was a closed wound on her head. I asked her name, and she told me. She was a young woman in her mid to late twenties. I said, "I can see you are in lots of pain, and I offered my hand to her. Her hand clawed desperately at the bed rail and I covered it with mine. "I can't do this she cried" " that's OK I said, I'll help you. I asked if she would like to hear some music, she said yes, but after a bit she started to cry again, so I said I think it must be too loud for her, she whimpered yes, I turned it off, she begged me not to go, and clung to my hand.

She quieted a bit, but then a doctor came in. She was febrile, and he explained that they needed to take blood to test whether she had an infection. "I don't care ! just get me out of here, leave me alone!" "I can't do this!" she began shouting again and throwing her body about, each movement bringing her more pain. Then my doctor Grace came in, " here's Grace" I said, "she's been my doctor, and she's been wonderful she will help you". The patient held my hand and cried." Don't be afraid"  I said, "and don't be troubled". I kept repeating that to her. As I did she relaxed and would look at me then close her eyes again.

When the doctor had all the blood test equipment ready. she began thrashing about again and trying to get up and wouldn't let the doctor take blood, so I held her hand firmly still, and in a position which the doctor could more easily get to, and soon it was done. The doctor slipped and her blood spilled over my hand, she closed her eyes and whimpered. "Don't be troubled" I said again, and the doctor cleaned us both up. Grace said she would order a tranquiliser and more pain meds. She left, but as she did so she thanked me for sitting with the patient and said I would have good news in the morning.

The other doctor left, and the patient began to cry again. "I can't do this, I'm so useless" "Do you have something you need to do?" I asked. "Yes, I need to be in the forest. Do you work in the forest?" I asked. "Yes", she said and cried. I assured her it was OK because it was night time, and she didn't need to work at night. She calmed down for a bit. After a while, she called on Jesus, again in her way, so I covered her hand again and said " don't be troubled, He's here, you're OK" . " Can't you see I'm in pai?n" she yelled." yes I said, I can see you are in terrible pain, so I'm here to help you. and Grace is organising the medicine for you. " Come on Grace" she whispered, "I need grace" she said. then she said "only the forest fairies can help me now" I wasn't sure of what I had heard, but I ignored it and said instead, Grace is coming. and repeated "don't be troubled and don't be afraid. let the doctors and nurses help you."

She gripped my fingers again over the bed rail. Then in came my Thai male nurse. I told her who he was, and said he was here to help her and would look after her very well and keep her safe. He wanted to give her the tranquilliser  which was in tablet form, but she thrashed about and shouted at him. " I can't do it, I'm in too much pain, I can't do it!" She yelled. I took her hand again, and said she was being very brave, and doing very well. I urged her to take the tablets and promised her they would help. I held her hand again, and the Thai nurse brought her a pillow to cuddle for comfort. She calmed down and took the tablets and I praised her like a small child. I held her hand and repeated that she was being cared for and doing well, and I watched her eyes glaze over. The nurse said she would sleep in a few minutes and told me to get to bed too. I went off and was soon in my bed, praying for my forest fairy.

I thought of what tragedy could have occurred to see her in hospital in such pain, but I was reassured that God knows the beginning and the end and that in His light a tragedy can be rewritten. Firstly in that he hears us no matter how we call on him even if it seems like swearing, and that He sends His Grace in one way or another, and I pray she will recognize it for what it is one day soon. I felt very blessed to have been able to help her rewrite a small part of her tragedy, and change her from feeling like she could not cope, to being able to get through that pain, until the medicine could bring her ease.

Soon it was morning, and my neighbour was being moved to surgery. True to her word, later that morning, Grace came and gave me two bits of good news. I cried and squeezed her fingers when she told me my tumour was definitely benign, and I was also pleased to to be told my forest fairy was doing well. I popped into her room after my shower, but she was sleeping, so I left her with a silent prayer, and wished her a good rest. I never saw her again.

A short time after breakfast and my shower, 18 staples were taken out of my head. Then shortly before lunch my take home meds arrived and I was delivered to the transit lounge where my first non- minced lunch was delivered to me. By 2.30 pm I was home, with a dressing on my head and chest, and bruises on my hand, wrist and stomach to show that something momentous had happened to me.