What a wonderful thing a freestanding, stable toilet roll holder is! With it's help, I can haul my shaky, feeble body from the soothing, uplifting bubble bath, wrap myself in a towel, and rest my forehead on the soft pillow of the toilet paper. Thus positioned I gather strength for the next activites - dressing and cleaning my teeth . Then holding onto the walls, I'm supported back to bed, or recliner.
But CELEBRATIONS! the last chemotherapy threatment is done! I just have to dust off the expected next 3 or 4 weeks of side effects, then have a bone density test, and appropriate hormone treatment will begin, and continue for the next 5 years. My hair will start growing back in 6 to 8 weeks, but not before I shave off the last strands which have provided me with a fluffy halo above my smooth pale pink scalp. I want it all to grow back evenly.
This is not the first time (nor the last I expect!) I have been though a difficult time in my life, but once again God has shown me that I can do all things "through Him who strengthens me". He has strengthed me though all the prayers and comforting and encouraging words and help of family and friends. He has strengthened me to recognise that there is no weakness in resting when I need to, or asking for help and receiving it. I have put into practice Esther's (from the Bible) example of having regular perfumed baths and wearing your best clothes when faced with adversity: so on the days when bed or recliner are the only possible things I can cope with, I wear my prettiest pyjamas. I follow Ruth's example in sticking close to family - God's greatest provision - my DH and PS's - and I wear my sister's (W) gift of a bracelet that was sent to remind me of my bonds with my 2 sisters, and listen to my ipod from sister (S). Loving messages from my parents and other family, and gifts from them sustain me.
And it has been much needed - the 3rd chemo really knocked me around, and left me very feek and weeble. I have also had severe and scary breast pain: a mystery says the KD - all looks normal but back off to the TTR for yet another scan. Blessedly, no indication of cancer but, some new little cysts... next day off to the oncologist for his interpretation of all my pain and other side effects ( muscle burning, extreme fatigue, dizzy spells, hot flushes, pressure in my head etc etc) - "you're an enigma, a rare person, unique". Hey, maybe I could be a spy!
Being called names brings up my visit to the pharmacist to collect some vitamin B6 (it may help the breast pain if it is hormonally caused, said the onco). I am not happy with pharmacists in this country - they seem to think they can ask you any personal questions in "the interest of your health" as their right. After having to get some medication for an unmentionable side effect, I asked the KD "why can't they just ask politely if I need any information on the medication - why does it have to be (and loudly) "have you had this medication before?" KD replied blankly: "because they want to rule your life." I thought so.
Anyway, I decided my next visit would be to a different pharmacist, a bit closer to home, and where the friendly lady behind the counter is a nodding aquaintance as we say hello when we see each other walking the beach path. She greeted me with a smile and said "I love your hat and scarf! You look just like a Glamazon". I laughed as I thanked her and explained that according to the myth, amazons removed a breast to shoot their arrows better, so since my surgery, I am an Amazon, and it's nice to be considered a glamazon! During my explanation of the myth a man had come up to the counter, and joined in the merriment, but then he asked me sotto voce -" what's a glamazon?" "A glamourous Amazon!" As the penny dropped, he shrunk a bit - obviously hit by an arrow, poor man!
Now that I'm through (almost) the worst of this, what have I learned and gained? I've had a lot of laughs, and I've met some wonderful people. I hope that I have been and will continue to be, through my experience, a meaningful help and support to two clients diagnosed with cancer since my diagnosis. I hope that I can fully and deeply express my thanks and love to everyone who has supported me in this time - God Bless you all.
It has made me think more about the concept of the "bucket list". At first I thought what a fun idea, but I realise that the more you want to do, then get to do, there will always be one more thing. Praise God I have eternity. Any fun experience I get to do from now on is a gift of God (as it always has been) and I will thank anyone for sharing photos or stories of their fun stuff with me, to enjoy vicariously. For here and now what I really want to do is carry on loving God with all my heart, and my neighbour as myself. I want to continue to practice with my family showing more patience and love to each of them directly, and keep reaching, attaining and regaining serenity - the peace- that is God's gift to me, whose mind is stayed on Him.
May the Lord bless you all, and keep you, and cause His face to shine upon you, and bring you peace. Thank you for sharing this time with me. xxxx
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