The weeks go by so fast, and so much seems to happen in them, that I know that my experience of the Fairground's rollercoasters, big dippers and other adventures is nothing to what the people of Christchurch and Japan are enduring. Perspective.
Today was my second visit to the oncologist. I gave him my decision about combined chemotherapy and hormone therapy. He examined me and declared my mastitis over and me well enough to start chemo." What's your best day?" (hmmm...???)
As I have started doing "light duties" for work, and I will be hosting support group meetings on Wednesdays and Fridays, I suggested Tuedays or Thursdays. "Thursdays will be good - you can feel horrible on the weekends (if you get side effects) and be allright for work on Monday." Before I could blink, I was booked in for 1pm THIS Thursday! OK.
"Are you a wig girl or a scarf girl?" Now there's a question! "I'm a scarf girl" I said without much thought.( Apparently the treatment I'm going to have (called Tc) will cause me to lose my hair around day 16.) But now, later, I'm wondering, what sort of girl am I? Like my cancer, I think I'm "common or garden" and may be inclined to do what has to be done without frills. My past history proved me to be a public breastfeeder (if the PS needed feeding, I fed) despite in my pre-children days being sure I 'would never do that!' I have also now found myself going out twice without my "stuffed breast" in position, and have defended myself from looks by raising my purse to my bosom and blocking the view. I might just be a girl who goes bare! Oh but thank goodness, Tassie is too cold for that, at the very worst I will wear my Beanie and look like a bag lady.
The treatment actually starts tomorrow (Wed) with steroids to prevent an allergic reaction to the chemo meds. I will need to start drinking loads of water according to fellow cancer sufferer's advice, but the ONCO, said to "just carry on as normal, have a glass of wine if you like!" What's with this wine thing? Even Herself told me to have a glass. Yet, when you do the Risk for Breast Cancer questionairre, one of the first things they ask you is "how much alcohol do you drink per week?" Maybe this is what my docs mean : " use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities." (1 Timothy 5 vs 23b).
As Sara Groves sings, getting a new perspective means keeping your eyes wide open, but another of her songs talks about keeping your heart wide open too, and this song is very uplifting to me at the moment:
standing at this waters edge
looking in at God's own heart
I've no idea where to begin
to swallow up the way things are
everything in me is drawing in
closing in around this pain
I will lay my heart wide open
like the surface of a lake
wide open like a lake
bring the wind and bring the thunder
bring the rain till I am tried
when it's over bring me stillness
let my face reflect the sky
and all the grace and all the wonder
of a peace that I can't fake
wide open like a lake
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