The First Time

Since Christmas I have gone through a number of "first times:" - the first time I went grocery shopping since my 2nd chemo treatment; the first time I drove to town on my own since my 3rd chemo treatment; my first full haircut; ( the curls are so curly that length gave me a seventies look. For those who are young among you, think afro); and coming up as January draws to a close, the first anniversary of finding that suspicious lump in my breast.

Another first time was being able to walk the dog the full length of our beach path in both directions. On my way back from that walk, a young woman pushing a toddler in a pram strode past me, and my poor peripheral vision only picked up once she passed that she was wearing a cancer scarf on her head with no hair showing under it. I confess I stood there staring after her with my heart doing a twisting thing in my chest. My mouth had dropped open but I had no courage to call out to her.

I was reminded of the many times people stopped and stared at me when I was obviously covering up a bald head. I recall a woman stopping in the street and watching me wide eyed and jaw flopped open. I was upset by it at the time, but maybe she was praying for me as I was for the woman with the toddler. ( I hope I was less obvious though). Not all stares were upsetting: there was a man , much taller than me, who almost bumped into me one wintry day when I had been too cold to care about appearance so had a woollen beanie on my scalp. He came to a speedy halt on his toes, looked down at my head and pointed. His mouth held the jaw drop position. I laughed all the way back to the office.

One morning, with my purple and silver threaded scarf elegantly wound around my head, I walked through a crowd and caught the eye of a short haired woman. Her sympathetic little smile said: you and me,both. So I smiled back.

The attention I received as a bald person, and the compliments, exceeded any I received when I had hair. It has made me think back to other times when people have stared at me. I would get lots of looks when I was pregnant. Some people,looked with interest, some with sympathy, some with longing. The best looks I got were from men who looked at me with undisguised joy and curiously pride. I was surprised the first time it happened, but it happened often enough for me to notice a trend. It was one of the highlights of being pregnant. I used to drive an old Mini. People would do the mouth drop thing when I drove past them in those days. One person laughed and pointed. As a 16 year old in my primrose yellow dress, I caught the eye of a cute sailor with a Bruce Willis smile. We shared nothing more than eye contact and a big grin, but his "I see you" smile soothed a lot of teenage angst.

It's amazingly easy to encourage someone. A simple little smile, nod, or a brief moment of eye contact that says "I know. " It comes unasked for, unexpected, at random, but so at the right time, that it is a gift from God. I wish I'd smiled at the woman with the toddler. Next time I will.

1 Thessalonians 3: 12 -13

1. And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you:
2. To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all his saints.